Monday, March 12, 2012

The Style Guide to West 6th

This is a tongue-in-cheek post. If you love West 6th, and are easily offended, I recommend you stop reading now. 

Ah West 6th. Its been a long time since I visited you on a Friday or Saturday night, and now I remember why.... For my non-Cleveland readers, let me set the stage here a little. You know that bar that's REALLY popular with the early 20-something crowd? The one sorta reminiscent of a college bar, where the vibe changes around 1:30 am, and you know people are looking for that person they're going to make out with for the next 30 minutes at least? Well, we have a whole street of such bars- its West 6th.

Anyway, N and I found ourselves on W 6th Friday night, specifically, at Velvet Dog- Cleveland's premiere nightclub, FYI. It has been a while since either of us had been there, and I felt it was my duty to examine and report back for my late 20-something and 30-something friends, who perhaps haven't visited in a while. SO, like any good (or wannabe) anthropologist would do, I observed. And took copious notes.  And left 90 minutes later. Although my stay was brief, I learned some important tips to fitting in style-wise on W 6th, which I will share with you, you know, if you want to make your own visit:

Men: If the normal jeans with a button-down just isn't cutting it for you, take your look one step further. How, you ask? Well, here are your options:
1. Wear a deep, deep v. neck tee (white, of course), and pair THAT with an unbuttoned button-down;
2. Add your high-school letter jacket;
3. Forgo the button down altogether, and wear your very best Ed Hardy/Affliction tee.

Women: This is your chance to shine, and make that guy-that-you-made-out-with-that-one-time-and-didn't-call-you really see what he's missing.
1. Wear your hair extensions. With lots of hairspray. Or a bumpit. Or a fascinator. Bonus points if you do all of these together
2. Don't wear pants. You will stick out. Wear a dress. The shorter and tighter, the better. Ideally, your dress should feel like sausage casing, and threaten to cut off circulation. No one will notice if your turning blue, its too dark in there anyway.
3. Duck face. ALL.THE.TIME. But make sure you save your best duck face for the stage-dancing.
4. High heels. The higher the better. Balance is overrated. Plus you can just lean on other people as you make your way across the dance floor.

Here you have it ladies and gentlemen- A few quick tips to make sure you fit right in.  In all seriousness, I was deeply conflicted by the whole night. I desperately wanted to hate it, but I found myself oddly amused by the vague smell of barf, and all the excellent people-watching. I really really enjoyed the DJ too. But like all things so bad that they MUST be good, moderation is key. And with that, I'm probably going to stay away from Friday and Saturday nights on W 6th for at least another few years!


Charlene said...

This made my whole night! Between the Ducky Face, the sausage casing dress and the Ed Hardy all just made me laugh. Oh West Sixth...

Jenn said...

Ha ha ha I just can't stop laughing!!

kakaty said...

"Balance is overrated." I love this whole post.

Sarah E. said...

I am having a terribly grumpy morning and this just made me feel 100 times better! Lol. Glad someone dislikes it/is as as morbidly fascinated with it as I am!

Alana said...

DUCKFACE!!!! It's funny - the happy hours on W6th are semi-normal...Then around 9pm things so south!

Fizzgig said...

awe snap, props to going to a bar on west 6th. i think 21 was my cut off there. I can't even go to downtown akron bars anymore, i feel like the old lady in the club.

it would certainly be good people watching have a point!

Dina's Days said...

This is everything I've been feeling for the last 3 years and didn't know how to express it. West 6th served it's purpose a few years back and that's that. In fact the last time I went I remember seeing a girl in a dress exactly how you described it.West 6th is the equivalent to The Valley in Akron. Have you ever been? Don't. Ever.